Dear Love and Happiness....

I am writing you because I have a problem with my boyfriend. He lies about where he is, he still talks to his ex-girlfriend on a regular basis, and he makes trips to places that I don’t know about. This isn’t the first time this has happened either. What should I do to make sure that he’s not cheating on me and how can I trust him?
-Lost for words, NY

Lost for words,
It seems like trust is a very big issue that you have and it might also tie into insecurity. If you feel like you can’t trust him, or if he makes you feel like you’re not number one in his life then why are you wasting your time? There’s really no way you can find out if he’s cheating on you or not. All you can do is talk to him. If you feel like this is the best relationship that you’ve ever been in and you real love this person than tell him how you feel. If it leads to an argument then just let it go. It’s not worth it if you have doubts like this all the time or if the problems keep recurring. If you think that person can change then stay with them and try to work things out. But if you feel like these problems will still be problems in the future then just try to move on with you life. It will be hard at first but you will get over it eventually.
-Love and Happiness

Why Love and Happiness?

What compels you to write about love and relationships?

I like talking about something that I know everyone can relate to. Everyone has been in a relationship at some point in time, and everyone has been in a situation that someone else has been in. Relationships are different depending on the people involved. They are very unique and nobody really knows what to do when things are going really bad, or really good. I just write to let people know that they are not the only ones out there that are confused on how to deal with a certain situation, or how to handle a certain situation. From my point of view, there is always someone out there that just wants someone to listen to their problems, even though they just need and ear it’s in our nature to give advice on what that person should do to “help” them with their problem.

Do you talk about your love life, or those of your friends?

I speak about relationships in general. If a topic comes up and it’s something that I can relate to then I may put my two cents in. But I just speak on what I heard in a song, saw on tv, or was just a thought of the day. My friends will also put their two cents in as well because that is just the nature of conversation. But it’s not just my love life I talk about, I talk about relationships in general. But it’s very hard to talk about them in general because you always want to put yourself in that position and then expect everyone to do what you would in that situation. But then again who wouldn’t?

The Other Lover....

Has there ever been a time when a thought may have crossed your mind about your partners loyalty? Did you ever think that the relationship was too good to be true, or somewhat fishy that they always had an excuse for everything. Every person goes through this at one point in their life, but how do you know if the love of your life isn’t the apple of somebody else’s eye…

You could:
1-call that person every 5 minutes just because you were thinking about them (or at least that’s what you’ll say because you don’t want them to know you just wanted to see where they were at, and what they were doing).
2-make unannounced trips to their house, since they are doing construction near you home and you just can’t stand the noise. And check to see if somebody else is over there also.
3-say it’s your anniversary of the first time you guys ate Mexican and want to take them out to lunch because it’s only right. And if they decline, then you know something’s not right.
4-go through their phone when they go to the bathroom after eating the Mexican food to see who they have been talking to, or meeting with.

But if you don’t want to become this secret spy on you partner you could also:
1-talk to that person and tell them that you guys should spend more time together because you feel like the relationship isn’t like it used to be
2-surprise them with something that they’ve had their eye on for a while but couldn’t get. This will show that you are considerate and want them to know that you will do anything to make them happy
3-tell them when you don’t feel comfortable about something, or when something bothers you instead of just keeping it to yourself. You may not want to start an argument, but some things need to heard/said.
4-try not to think the worst of your partner, give them some credit. They might be telling you the truth.

You can never really know if your lover has another on the side, unless you’ve seen it with your own eyes. Don’t listen to what anybody is telling you, listen to your heart. Just because you heard from your best friend that your honey bunch is loving someone else, don’t jump to conclusions because they could just tell you stuff because they don’t like them. Or maybe they want them for themselves. Whatever the case, communication is always the key to a relationship. You just have to know how to listen to your heart, and when a lie is a lie and the truth is the truth.

Breaking Up

People all over the world are in some kind of relationship, and in that relationship the couple will argue about something. Sometimes these arguments can result into something very big and too much for one to handle. A result for these big arguments is of course the break up. Everyone has different rules for break ups, but how do you know what exact steps to take after your relationship is over? Well I found ten steps that you should take to help you in the process of getting over you ex.

One rule was that you should never call that person. I do agree with this because if you call that person you are just showing that you are desperate. And that is never a good way to get over someone.

Another rule was that you should never go out to places where you know your ex will be. This will just cause more drama and make you both feel uncomfortable, especially if you are not looking your best.

But the one that really stuck out to me was when she said that you cannot let your friends talk to your ex either. I wondered why it mattered, but then she said that your friends will just talk down to your ex. If they show their emotion towards the break up, then that will also show that you too are affected and are very upset by it.

Whether you guys ended the relationship on good terms or really bad terms, break ups are always difficult to go through the next day. You have to wake up without that person and not talk to them to help yourself to get over the relationship. Nobody can really help you get over an ex but you! But we all can agree that friends and family can always cheer you up. Or maybe even the ice cream man, which you must never tell anyone about, can help you forget about oh what’s-his-name. Just know that these rules were meant to help you, and not hurt you so go out and get over that loser….

In Sickness, And in Health

I was watching TV the other day and it seemed like all the shows I watched were on the topic of a sick husband or wife and the other spouse tending to their needs. This got me to thinking, as I always do, are women more sympathetic than men in a relationship? When they are sick of course. I have been getting sick a lot recently and I started to look at my relationship as if it were a sitcom.

Now don’t get me wrong, I'm normally opposed to comparing my relationship to other’s; especially on TV. But even for a sitcom it seemed very real to me. I have Crohn’s Disease and my boyfriend is very caring and understanding when I get those flare ups or when we go out to eat and I can only eat certain foods. But it also takes a toll on him too. Sometimes I do act a little overdramatic when I’m in pain, but when he has a cold he acts like he’s dying.

I went to other sources just to see if it wasn’t just my relationship that had turned into an episode of My wife and kids; minus the kids. And it turned out that both spouses said that the other one complained more when they were sick. So my search for answers ended nowhere, but I did hear some funny/nasty/weird stories of peoples behavior while under the influence of Tylenol, or even a hot toddy . Hmmm….I might save those for later posts.

Hidden Agenda

Love is a complicated thing. But is TRUE love really that complicated? Everybody goes through a tough period in a relationship. We all go through the stage where our mate does something we don’t agree with; like leaving the toilet seat up or talking to an old friend that you really don’t want them talking to. If trust is a main factor in a relationship, then where does love come in? If there are so many different factors to defining a relationship what’s the point? I should might as well be dating my mom if I need somebody to trust and love me and to tell me that I’m doing something wrong. Is just saying that you are my boy/girlfriend enough to establish a relationship and then months later decide to set rules for dating?

Many people think that the way to a person’s heart is doing all the stuff that he or she likes to get them to notice you and take their breath away. So after doing all of this why do people get mad because their mate wants them to keep doing those things for them and you think that it’s asking too much. You are basically tricking them into a relationship and them blame them for all the things that you won’t do because you don’t think it’s necessary for you to keep doing them; you already have them so what’s the point right? Trust is being yourself and not always thinking the worst of your partner. If you are constantly breaking them down because of your insecurities then how can YOU be trusted? I think we all should be upfront with the person you are trying to pursue and stop trying to impress them with things that you wouldn’t normally do. Because in the long run you’re only hurting yourself… and you can never find true love that way.

finding the one for you

I was on the internet one day and came across a certain website. This website had me thinking… are we really into what other people think? Are relationships really based on a compatibility test and if your astrological signs are at the right spot in the universe? I thought that just finding the right person for you was just somebody that won’t get on your nerves for more then 20 minutes. So then I became a woman on a mission.

I took one of the tests on the website and found out that my boyfriend and I are 76% compatible and that we need to communicate and listen to each other. Actually these were the exact words: “The love thermometer shows a high compatibility based on the names you entered. This is already a good start, however you have to work on your relationship. All relationships have ups and downs. Listen to your heart, be honest and talk to your partner - these are the ingredients for a good relationship. To make sure that you get the most accurate results, you have to enter the full names for both persons.”

So I had asked friends of mine what they thought about compatibility and relationships. One said that you have to be physically attracted to you partner on more levels than one. I do agree with this, even the ugliest person can have the sexiest personality; but do you really want to look at all that ugliness just for the personality? Another friend said that the statement I made above was too shallow and that true love has no look. If you really love that person it shouldn’t matter how cute they are or how many muscles they have, you love that person because of who they are. Not what they seem to be. So I guess the saying don’t judge a book by it’s cover is true. I just don’t want the book that’s been in and out the library many, many times before I check it out.