Dear Love and Happiness....

I am writing you because I have a problem with my boyfriend. He lies about where he is, he still talks to his ex-girlfriend on a regular basis, and he makes trips to places that I don’t know about. This isn’t the first time this has happened either. What should I do to make sure that he’s not cheating on me and how can I trust him?
-Lost for words, NY

Lost for words,
It seems like trust is a very big issue that you have and it might also tie into insecurity. If you feel like you can’t trust him, or if he makes you feel like you’re not number one in his life then why are you wasting your time? There’s really no way you can find out if he’s cheating on you or not. All you can do is talk to him. If you feel like this is the best relationship that you’ve ever been in and you real love this person than tell him how you feel. If it leads to an argument then just let it go. It’s not worth it if you have doubts like this all the time or if the problems keep recurring. If you think that person can change then stay with them and try to work things out. But if you feel like these problems will still be problems in the future then just try to move on with you life. It will be hard at first but you will get over it eventually.
-Love and Happiness

Why Love and Happiness?

What compels you to write about love and relationships?

I like talking about something that I know everyone can relate to. Everyone has been in a relationship at some point in time, and everyone has been in a situation that someone else has been in. Relationships are different depending on the people involved. They are very unique and nobody really knows what to do when things are going really bad, or really good. I just write to let people know that they are not the only ones out there that are confused on how to deal with a certain situation, or how to handle a certain situation. From my point of view, there is always someone out there that just wants someone to listen to their problems, even though they just need and ear it’s in our nature to give advice on what that person should do to “help” them with their problem.

Do you talk about your love life, or those of your friends?

I speak about relationships in general. If a topic comes up and it’s something that I can relate to then I may put my two cents in. But I just speak on what I heard in a song, saw on tv, or was just a thought of the day. My friends will also put their two cents in as well because that is just the nature of conversation. But it’s not just my love life I talk about, I talk about relationships in general. But it’s very hard to talk about them in general because you always want to put yourself in that position and then expect everyone to do what you would in that situation. But then again who wouldn’t?

The Other Lover....

Has there ever been a time when a thought may have crossed your mind about your partners loyalty? Did you ever think that the relationship was too good to be true, or somewhat fishy that they always had an excuse for everything. Every person goes through this at one point in their life, but how do you know if the love of your life isn’t the apple of somebody else’s eye…

You could:
1-call that person every 5 minutes just because you were thinking about them (or at least that’s what you’ll say because you don’t want them to know you just wanted to see where they were at, and what they were doing).
2-make unannounced trips to their house, since they are doing construction near you home and you just can’t stand the noise. And check to see if somebody else is over there also.
3-say it’s your anniversary of the first time you guys ate Mexican and want to take them out to lunch because it’s only right. And if they decline, then you know something’s not right.
4-go through their phone when they go to the bathroom after eating the Mexican food to see who they have been talking to, or meeting with.

But if you don’t want to become this secret spy on you partner you could also:
1-talk to that person and tell them that you guys should spend more time together because you feel like the relationship isn’t like it used to be
2-surprise them with something that they’ve had their eye on for a while but couldn’t get. This will show that you are considerate and want them to know that you will do anything to make them happy
3-tell them when you don’t feel comfortable about something, or when something bothers you instead of just keeping it to yourself. You may not want to start an argument, but some things need to heard/said.
4-try not to think the worst of your partner, give them some credit. They might be telling you the truth.

You can never really know if your lover has another on the side, unless you’ve seen it with your own eyes. Don’t listen to what anybody is telling you, listen to your heart. Just because you heard from your best friend that your honey bunch is loving someone else, don’t jump to conclusions because they could just tell you stuff because they don’t like them. Or maybe they want them for themselves. Whatever the case, communication is always the key to a relationship. You just have to know how to listen to your heart, and when a lie is a lie and the truth is the truth.

Breaking Up

People all over the world are in some kind of relationship, and in that relationship the couple will argue about something. Sometimes these arguments can result into something very big and too much for one to handle. A result for these big arguments is of course the break up. Everyone has different rules for break ups, but how do you know what exact steps to take after your relationship is over? Well I found ten steps that you should take to help you in the process of getting over you ex.

One rule was that you should never call that person. I do agree with this because if you call that person you are just showing that you are desperate. And that is never a good way to get over someone.

Another rule was that you should never go out to places where you know your ex will be. This will just cause more drama and make you both feel uncomfortable, especially if you are not looking your best.

But the one that really stuck out to me was when she said that you cannot let your friends talk to your ex either. I wondered why it mattered, but then she said that your friends will just talk down to your ex. If they show their emotion towards the break up, then that will also show that you too are affected and are very upset by it.

Whether you guys ended the relationship on good terms or really bad terms, break ups are always difficult to go through the next day. You have to wake up without that person and not talk to them to help yourself to get over the relationship. Nobody can really help you get over an ex but you! But we all can agree that friends and family can always cheer you up. Or maybe even the ice cream man, which you must never tell anyone about, can help you forget about oh what’s-his-name. Just know that these rules were meant to help you, and not hurt you so go out and get over that loser….

In Sickness, And in Health

I was watching TV the other day and it seemed like all the shows I watched were on the topic of a sick husband or wife and the other spouse tending to their needs. This got me to thinking, as I always do, are women more sympathetic than men in a relationship? When they are sick of course. I have been getting sick a lot recently and I started to look at my relationship as if it were a sitcom.

Now don’t get me wrong, I'm normally opposed to comparing my relationship to other’s; especially on TV. But even for a sitcom it seemed very real to me. I have Crohn’s Disease and my boyfriend is very caring and understanding when I get those flare ups or when we go out to eat and I can only eat certain foods. But it also takes a toll on him too. Sometimes I do act a little overdramatic when I’m in pain, but when he has a cold he acts like he’s dying.

I went to other sources just to see if it wasn’t just my relationship that had turned into an episode of My wife and kids; minus the kids. And it turned out that both spouses said that the other one complained more when they were sick. So my search for answers ended nowhere, but I did hear some funny/nasty/weird stories of peoples behavior while under the influence of Tylenol, or even a hot toddy . Hmmm….I might save those for later posts.

Hidden Agenda

Love is a complicated thing. But is TRUE love really that complicated? Everybody goes through a tough period in a relationship. We all go through the stage where our mate does something we don’t agree with; like leaving the toilet seat up or talking to an old friend that you really don’t want them talking to. If trust is a main factor in a relationship, then where does love come in? If there are so many different factors to defining a relationship what’s the point? I should might as well be dating my mom if I need somebody to trust and love me and to tell me that I’m doing something wrong. Is just saying that you are my boy/girlfriend enough to establish a relationship and then months later decide to set rules for dating?

Many people think that the way to a person’s heart is doing all the stuff that he or she likes to get them to notice you and take their breath away. So after doing all of this why do people get mad because their mate wants them to keep doing those things for them and you think that it’s asking too much. You are basically tricking them into a relationship and them blame them for all the things that you won’t do because you don’t think it’s necessary for you to keep doing them; you already have them so what’s the point right? Trust is being yourself and not always thinking the worst of your partner. If you are constantly breaking them down because of your insecurities then how can YOU be trusted? I think we all should be upfront with the person you are trying to pursue and stop trying to impress them with things that you wouldn’t normally do. Because in the long run you’re only hurting yourself… and you can never find true love that way.

finding the one for you

I was on the internet one day and came across a certain website. This website had me thinking… are we really into what other people think? Are relationships really based on a compatibility test and if your astrological signs are at the right spot in the universe? I thought that just finding the right person for you was just somebody that won’t get on your nerves for more then 20 minutes. So then I became a woman on a mission.

I took one of the tests on the website and found out that my boyfriend and I are 76% compatible and that we need to communicate and listen to each other. Actually these were the exact words: “The love thermometer shows a high compatibility based on the names you entered. This is already a good start, however you have to work on your relationship. All relationships have ups and downs. Listen to your heart, be honest and talk to your partner - these are the ingredients for a good relationship. To make sure that you get the most accurate results, you have to enter the full names for both persons.”

So I had asked friends of mine what they thought about compatibility and relationships. One said that you have to be physically attracted to you partner on more levels than one. I do agree with this, even the ugliest person can have the sexiest personality; but do you really want to look at all that ugliness just for the personality? Another friend said that the statement I made above was too shallow and that true love has no look. If you really love that person it shouldn’t matter how cute they are or how many muscles they have, you love that person because of who they are. Not what they seem to be. So I guess the saying don’t judge a book by it’s cover is true. I just don’t want the book that’s been in and out the library many, many times before I check it out.

Curious Minds

You learn to develop relationships with people at a young age. When you first start kindergarten you learn to make friends and how to develop a different relationship with the teacher and class so everyone can get along and have a good learning experience. Then you get to middle school and those friendly relationships start to become more than just friendly and the teen mind becomes curious. Then the curious mind starts to explore and act on its curiosity when you get to high school, some before that but that’s another story. So exactly how curious can the mind get and how far are teens willing to go to act on impulse?

I was in the 7th grade and it was the middle of the school year, everyone was ready to get out of school. Winter always seemed to be a time when the teachers just hated us and didn’t want us to get the fresh air that we needed, so we were stuck in that big ugly building from 7 until 2:45 daily. Sometimes during lunch we would go to the gym and play some kind of sport to keep our minds off of the nasty weather outside. But that didn’t work too well because during a game someone would start arguing with somebody else and then they would start fighting, which was actually quite entertaining for the ones who weren’t in the fight.

Although we had to find ways of entertaining ourselves during the winter, when spring finally decided to show up we all just went from bad to worse. That’s when all the girls decided to put on shorts or skirts and little tops, and the boys would walk around in wife beaters and basketball shorts, oh those shorts! Those shorts would show off all the right parts of boy. By all the students showing off some skin and not leaving much to the imagination everyone started flirting with the opposite sex. So it didn’t take long for relationships to develop and soon everybody had a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

I will never forget the day I met him. He had a class with one of my friends, and he just had to know my name and what I was about. But he definitely was not my type and I had other things to worry about than some guy that couldn’t even have the guts to ask me my name and “game me up” through my friend Tessa, who was also starting to get tired of playing messenger.
It started to get warmer outside so I decided to throw on some shorts myself; I was like a tomboy, so it was rare to see me in something that showed off my figure. But that was a big mistake. This obviously made the guy want me more! But hey what can I say if you got it, flaunt it. So I finally decided to at least give him my number and see where it goes from there.

He would call just about every day. We mainly just had small talk. You know a few 10 to 15 minute conversations a day. I wasn’t really that interested at first. He was tall, very skinny, but he had the most beautiful eyes that matched his caramel skin tone. He started wearing off on me. I started to find him attractive. Maybe it was just the fact that he didn’t give up, he was a very determined 14 year old.

About three weeks later we were a couple. Everything was going fine and I was happy in the relationship. We would go to the movies, walk around Easton, which was a very popular mall at the time. We could talk about anything. I had male friends and he had female friends and none of us were the jealous type. Yeah, I thought this relationship would last forever.

We were dating for six months when he said something that I would never forget. We were talking on the phone, as we always do, and he asked me about past relationships. I answered the questions he had and then came the big one…. “Are you a virgin?” . Now this wouldn’t have bothered me later in life, but that fact that we were only in the 7th grade it kind of bothered me a bit. Then he wanted to know if he could be the one to, well, you get the picture. And I was devastated I wanted to continue our relationship but I didn’t want to make that a part of it either. So I politely told him no and I told him that I needed some time to myself for a couple days.

The nerve of this guy! His curiosity, or whatever it was, was way more advanced than mine at the time. I thought about that question over and over and I wondered what the big deal was. I didn’t see any harm in what he was asking, or what the consequences would be seeing as that it is my body. But then I thought about it some more and realized that I would only be doing it to satisfy his curiosity and not fulfilling mine, which was not as curious as his.

Like any other female, I asked one of my closest friends if she had ever experienced something like that. She told me no but her curiosity was about the same level as his, but she more discreet about it. So I talked to this guy and tried to find out why this was on his mind. He said that he had done this before and he wanted to see if it would be the same with me.

We never took our relationship to that level, but we did date for about a year. We even kept in touch after our relationship was over, we still had a friendship instead of a love relationship. We would talk about everything and even our families still would talk to each other. And yes, his curiosity was still more advanced than mine, even in later years.

Meeting the family

Relationships are a complicated thing. Of course when you first start dating that person you don’t realize that you are now dating one of a set, the set being the family. But when do you realize that you are going to have to meet the other parts of set? This also leads to how are you going to act, what are you going to wear, or even if you get a choice; they might just pop up out of nowhere and have a ‘surprise’ first meeting. Whenever you finally meet the family the situation always seems awkward, well for me anyways.

I will say that nobody is ever prepared to meet the family of their lover. When I first met my boyfriends family they made me feel at home, but I still was nervous. Even now I act a little shy around them and we’ve been dating for almost two years. But you still have to take into account that you have to be respectful of what you say around them and you are still representing your family, no matter how crazy they are.

But there always comes a time when you see that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. When you get to see how the mother or father acts, I mean really see their true colors, you get to thinking. Will my mate act like that when we get that age? Or does he/she act like that now but we just don’t see it that way, we take it as being cute because we are so in love with that person. How do you know if the family likes you, but then decides later on that you are not good enough for their family? But then again not all families are like that. And for the ones that are that bad, you just have take it one day at a time, and hopefully you can move far, far away from them as soon as possible.

The next step

Sometimes in a relationship we don’t realize that eventually we will have to grow together. When the relationship starts to get more serious and you have been dating for a long time you also have to take into count that you both were not the same as you were when you first started dating. But when do you realize that something has to change?

After an argument with your mate do you then take a step back and analyze what was said and take that into consideration? Or have we become so selfish that we don’t think that people do grow, and we either grow with them or let them go. When we finally realize that it is time for the relationship to grow, is it too late? Can the relationship be saved after a continuous of arguments lead by jealousy, insecurity, or just simply by one mate holding a grudge?

Relationships are meant to be fun and carefree. But there does come a time when the relationship will go to the next level and both partners have to look at the big picture closely and see if you can grow together. But is change always a good thing? In love do changes always have to occur in order to save the relationship, or does change mess up the bond that is shared and cause more problems for the one that does not really want the change. Change is a good thing, and if love is really present you should want to grow with that person, but change also has to be for the better and not for the worse. Nobody wants to have regrets.

The 'sins' of dating

Are relationships overrated? Is there such a thing as love at first sight? Can you really find your soul mate online, at a bar, or even a blind date? And then once you go out on a date with that special someone who pays for the finances of the evening? Do you kiss at the end of the night on the first date; are there really rules for dating? These are only the first steps to a relationship. How do you determine how long the dating process should be until the relationship is taken to another level? True love shouldn’t be that complicated, if you love someone that much there shouldn’t be any rule to what should happen in the course of the relationship. Many couples have certain rules, or “understandings”, in their relationship so that the other mate won’t get upset or cause an argument. I can say personally that I am an argumentative person and an argument can always spice up any situation, but why do people avoid saying what’s on their mind in the sake of hurting their lover’s feelings? Why can’t we speak our minds when something’s bothering us? If there is a problem in the relationship and love will never come in-between the bond that is shared then why is an argument considered a “bad” thing in the relationship? To me personally I feel that these questions are always on the minds of people, single or not. I love being in a relationship and I don’t won’t to hurt my other half, but at what cost? Do I always have to bite my tongue in order to salvage our relationship….